taceyphotography.com/blog

Have you ever noticed how you feel when you’re smack dab in the midst of something that is just not working for you?  You feel awkward, inadequate and clumsy.  Quite frankly, you feel incredibly uncool and just want to stop, walk away and indudge your sorry self in a chocolately mocha latte (with whipped on top).  I think you catch my drift.

Well, I had quite a few of those moments during this morning’s Hot Yoga class.

You see, it was an unfamiliar class to me.  A new instructor and several new poses…It all felt completely foreign to me and I did. not. like. it (one single bit).

The weirdest part is that I absolutely LOVE hot yoga, especially how it makes me feel…all warm and fuzzy inside and out…I feel accomplished and proud when I leave the studio, ready to tackle the world (or at least my day).  So to leave class this morning and not feel all lovey-dovey was honestly very strange for me…

Of course I talked to myself about it….I came close to deciding that “I just don’t like ‘that’ class”.  Then I argued back…”Nooooo, you still had a great work out.  You still rocked most of the poses.  Heck, you had an 8 minute shavasana (that’s when you completely relax like you’re suntanning on a beach). What didn’t you like about ‘that’ class?”.

What I found was that I just don’t like not being good at something.  I really don’t like being that vulnerable and uncomfortable (especially in a room full of strangers) when I can’t do what everyone else can.

Then I thought some more…..

How will I ever grow (as a person, as a yogi, as a business owner) if I avoid putting myself in those situations????

Ah ha!

The place I found myself in this morning was uncomfortable, yes…yes, it was (I wonder if I’ll ever do a handstand or ‘float’ like a butterfly to the top of my mat).  But that place of frustration, of anxiety, of difficulty, is in fact, an opportunity for me to grow.  to learn.  to develop.

It totally reminded me of a photo shoot I did in Victoria this past August.  Phew….it’s taken me this long to even speak about it.  Yes, for me, it was that intense.

I was flown in to Victoria to photograph to photograph a fashion campaign for an up and coming fashion shopping center in Victoria, known simply as Uptown.  The client had yet to find a photographer that was able to find the balance between the look of ‘high fashion’ and the earthy, relaxed vibe of Victoria.  They were counting on this shoot….As far as I (and many others involved) there was a heck of a lot was riding on this day.  (Noooo pressure hey?)

I lost many nights of sleep over this contract.  I invested in a very expensive piece of glass for this shoot.  I studied and studied and prepared and conceptualized with the marketing director to ensure I completely understood what the client wanted (and did not want) for these images.

As a newcomer to this industry, this was my first experience with a full ‘on set team.  I was fortunate enough to work with the incredibly talented, and so wonderfully kind hair and makeup stylist, Melanie Neufeld .  I also had the pleasure of dining with, working with and learning from the intimidatingly seasoned fashion stylist, Luisa Rino.  And of course, I was blessed to work with the beautiful, easy going and super sweet model, Jamie Hansen.  Together, I thought we had it made.

This is where that awful, uncomfortable, vulnerable, anxious, difficult feeling comes to play….

Never have I felt so small in my whole life.  Never have I felt my spirit so squished.  Never have I had to use so much self talk, just to keep pushing through the 8 hour shoot.

I fell into the fire of the fashion industry, and like I said, I was so blessed to have such a supportive, professional team around me on my very first fashion shoot….but with so much at stake, and many executives involved, I felt the pressure fall heavy on to my virgin shoulders.

It wasn’t that I was prepared.  It wasn’t that I didn’t feel competent.  It was that because it was my ‘first’ time, I lacked to confidence and know-how to effectively ‘take the reigns’ and direct the shoot.  Eventually there were too many directors on the shoot and I essentially lost all creative control, and quite honestly, came very close to crying on several occasions.

I sucked it up, had a quiet chat with the marketing director and did my best to correct the situation for the final set of the day.  (Folks, it always helps to get what you’re feeling off your chest-chances are if you’re feeling tension-you’re not the only one-be tactful, but like my son’s teachers tell him-’use your words’).

By the time we wrapped for the day, hands we shaking and hugs were free flowing.  Later that evening, a lot of wine was consumed and new relationships were formed.

Looking back, as difficult as that day was for me (and my ego), I am grateful for every minute of that experience…because, like I remembered this morning…it’s truly only in life’s yucky, uncomfortable moments, that you are given the opportunity to learn the stuff that you are really made of.

Here are some images from this notorious day.

Here’s to conquering life’s uncomfortable moments!

Lots of love,

Tacey

xo